I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
