what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize