you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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