I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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