So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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