Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
