I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
