i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
