Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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