Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
