Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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