You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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