we have pet lesbian snakes
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
