dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
