Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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