I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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