i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
