I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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