level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
you never un-have a 4some
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize