imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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