I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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