its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
