Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
