spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
did you just send me my own nude
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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