I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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