sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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