So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize