Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
