So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
