get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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