We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
