You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
