It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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