even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
