Betty ford says i'm here all night
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
