we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
