It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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