whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
