don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
