would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
