If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
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Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
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I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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