So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
