At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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