when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
