Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
