This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
