We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
