I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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