dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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