guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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