i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
