So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i permit you to call me
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
