Who wears a wallet chain?!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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