The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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