you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
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I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
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I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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