I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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