i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You are a genius and a whore.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
