my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
