Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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