Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
