whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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