Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
