also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
