New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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