my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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