I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
