Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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