please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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