anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
