From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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