I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
