The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
