I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
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She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
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Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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