oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
